On Complaining

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Feel lucky and enlightened again with an article from my favorite site.

“Why People Complain and What We Can do about it” by Sherri Kruger

It’s natural for people to complain. Everyday we’re faced with a lot of reasons to complain: we’re not tall enough, we don’t have the latest and greatest, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, they get everything handed to them, they shouldn’t be doing this they should be doing that, etc.

Having the occasional complaint is fine. To expect a life without complaining (by you or others) is unrealistic.

  • Life’s not fair.
    I think most of us complain because we feel things are unfair and out of our control. Why do they have so much when I have nothing? I’ve worked just as hard, saved harder and I still don’t have as much to show for it. It’s just not fair. **My Thoughts : We must not compare ourselves to others if in the end we will feel that things are not fair.Remember that all of us are loved and blessed, it’s just that we received gifts and blessings in different packages and in different time.
  • Genuinely unhappy.
    Some people are just genuinely unhappy. They can’t find joy in any aspect of their life. Genuinely unhappy people take to complaining to express their dissatisfaction with their life and in many situations it’s used as a coping mechanism as well.** My Thoughts : Being happy is a choice.
  • Jealousy
    Most times people won’t admit to this as it’s a rather unbecoming trait. They may also not admit to it because they truly don’t recognize it as jealousy. This ties in with the first point of life not being fair. The emotion that can come out of that is jealousy. When you wish you had the new car, or the new job or the high salary there is a tendency to complain, either that the other people are getting this or that you’re not. ** My Thoughts : Jealousy can destroy even the strongest foundation of relationship, be it friendship,romance or the like.It can even destroy you.
  • Lack of empathy.
    A lot of times we complain because we lack empathy for others. Think about this: You complain that someone isn’t doing something “right”, they should be doing it this way because that’s what we would do if we were in that position. When we lack empathy we aren’t able to fully put ourself in the other persons place. We don’t know the thoughts going through their head or what other complexities they are facing in their lives at that moment. ** My Thoughts : Be thoughtful enough to think about others.It’s not always about you, sometimes you need to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes.

What can we do about it?

  • Think before we speak.
    Before blurting out a complaint really give some thought to what you’re going to say. Is it a complaint for the sake of complaining? Are you really unhappy with your situation? Is there any benefit to expressing this view point? If you are looking for insight from the person you’re speaking with then by all means go for it. If you’re mentioning it to spark a debate or initiate a conversation, OK. Just be aware of what you’re saying and why you’re saying it and also be mindful of the person you’re speaking with. ** My Thoughts : Let’s be responsible for our words.
  • Have a plan.
    I find it quite irritating when people complain about their job or people they work with or how they’re bored with whatever it is they’re doing at the moment. I find it even more irritating when people have no answer to the question “and what are you doing about it?” Some people have given it some thought and others just stare blankly as if to say “There’s something I can do?” If you’re unhappy with any situation make a plan on how you can change it. How are you going to take control and make your situation better? You can brush up your resume and start applying to new jobs. Look at how you can possibly move within the company you’re in now. Can you go back to school or get specific training for what you’d like to do? 

    Don’t just moan about it do something!

  • Change your perspective.
    Maybe you’re complaining because you lack empathy for someone. Change your perspective. Your thoughts, expectations and judgments may change and you may see the other person in a better light and not complain so much about how they’re handling things. 

    A change in perspective could also be helpful when we’re complaining about what we don’t have or how we don’t measure up. First of all we shouldn’t spend so much time comparing ourselves to others in the first place but if you do why is always with people who have more? Why not compare with those who aren’t as fortunate as you. Look around you and really see what you have. There are a lot of people who would love to be in your position. Which leads me to my final point …

  • Be grateful.
    Be grateful for what you have and for what others have. Life isn’t a race to see who can collect the most money, cars or other shiny objects. Ever told anyone to mind their own business? Well same goes for you. Focus on you and what makes you happy and how you can add value to your own life. Show appreciation for all that you currently have and for what you’ve been blessed with. Don’t worry about all the other people odds are they’re looking at you and wishing for something you have and that you may even be taking for granted.

“Its a normal thing to complain,just don’t make it a habit. Remember that too much of anything is bad. Have a nice day everyone :D!”


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On Negative Thoughts…

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For the past months, I’ve been a lurker of different blogs pertaining to life, personal development,home stuff and other inspirational topics. It’s been a  routine for me to read at least one article. Amidst all the chaos at home and work, this new past time of mine is one of the reason that keeps me sane (aside from my family,friends, GOD etc). Somehow I learn something from different people and from their different perspective.

I came across this article from one of my favorite sites, and I want to share it to others.

(an excerpt from an article at the bridgemaker blogsite)

“We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what’s wrong in your life or you can focus on what’s right.”  – Marianne Williamson

10 Steps for Transforming Negative Thoughts into Positive Beliefs by Alex Blackwell

We have the ability to create our own reality. For the most part, we can look at a situation and see the good or we can look at the same situation and choose to see the bad. Often times the lens we use to view what’s happening is filtered by our thoughts.

Positive thoughts create more positive circumstances. Alternatively, negative thoughts contribute to feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment. Therefore, changing our negative thoughts is essential to achieve happiness and peace.

The following are the most common negative thinking behaviors. Becoming aware of these is essential to transforming negative thoughts into positive beliefs.

  1. Stay away from “all-or-nothing” thinking. When we slip into “all-or-nothing” thinking we see our circumstances as either black or white with not much in between. By shifting to someplace in the gray, a fresh perspective is created that helps us to realize more options do exist.
  2. Avoid the temptation to over generalize. Overgeneralization is best characterized when we believe if one bad thing happens, then everything else is doomed to go poorly.
  3. What you rather be right or happy?I can be very stubborn. At times my stubbornness has cost me. It has caused me to miss the opportunity to accept an apology or consider a different point-of-view. I was more determined to be right than to be happy.The need to be right cultivates more negative thoughts because of our unwillingness to let go of whatever the issue was in the first place. To find some peace and happiness, sometimes we just need to let it go.
  4. Change your mental filter.Persistent pessimism can develop into a habit if we are not careful. Left unattended, chronic negative thinking can begin to shape the way we see the world. The glass will always be half-empty.
  5. Watch your tendency for jumping to conclusions.When confronted with what might appear to be an unwelcomed circumstance, consider taking a deep breath; a full step back, to look at the event at a more holistic level in order to get all of the information.
  6. Don’t should on yourself. When we should on ourselves we are issuing negative judgments about our actions and behaviors.
  7. Be aware of emotional reasoning. Not many of us are like the character Spock from Star Trek who is consistently logical and rational no matter the circumstance. Even though we often have a rational response to a difficult event, we also have a tendency to slip into emotional reasoning when confronted with an especially challenging situation.Just because we are experiencing a certain uncomfortable emotion doesn’t mean our character, our soul, has been downgraded. It just means for that moment, in that small space of time, we feel a certain way about ourselves.When we allow ourselves to be human and give our spirit the grace and mercy it deserves, we are in a better position to reframe self-limiting thoughts and keep them from manifesting to the point they begin to define who we are.
  8. Try not to take everything personally. It may be hard to hear, but not everything is about you and not everything is about me, either. Fear, paranoia and perhaps a measure of insecurity can lead us to believe the way other people react, or the things they say, are directed to us. Sometimes people are insensitive, judgmental or just plain in a bad mood.
  9. Dial back from magnifying a problem.There is perception and then there is reality. Our negative thoughts start to churn when we confuse the two.Seeing a situation for what it really is, instead of what it feels like can help us stay grounded. Magnifying a problem only gives the problem more energy and provides the opportunity for the situation to become larger than it was ever intended to be.
  10. Celebrate.Celebrate the good things when they happen. Don’t simply dismiss them or minimize them.There is no question some days have a few setbacks, a couple of obstacles and sometimes pain. There are even some days when we feel as though someone has emptied our hearts of the passion and strength we need for life. So, on the days we are blessed and have positive things happen, no matter how small and insignificant they may seem, allow yourself the time to enjoy them and then be filled back up by them.

    Like attracts like. Positive thoughts and happiness create more of the same.

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